


There is the pain of blocking a spike from Ushijima, and the pain of not understanding Oikawa

by ginkata



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, oikawa being all around a weird boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginkata/pseuds/ginkata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ushijima gets a text from Oikawa and he's never known he'd get so angry over Gordon Ramsay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is the pain of blocking a spike from Ushijima, and the pain of not understanding Oikawa

**Author's Note:**

> Please look at this post before reading so you get the context: http://thermostatic.tumblr.com/post/55937973707/blowloverboyonelastkiss-if-youre-having-a-bad  
> Inspired from a talk with my friend Stella. Why do I write stuff like this why does it happen.

Ushijima wakes up a little before sunrise usually, and that meant super unbelievably early, mostly during summer. He was already up around 4:30 A.M. when there's barely a hint of sunshine peeking from behind the plains of the countryside and through the thin curtains of his room in the second floor, it was around early august.

He worked with his uncle for about a few hours until the sun was ways up above the horizon and the first truck came to pick up the harvested goods.

He was already tired and it was barely seven in the morning. He looked at his watch and made a mental note that usually at this time, Oikawa was already up and doing his morning exercises. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and headed to take a cool shower to calm the tension in his muscles.

"You work hard t' the bone for our farm, Wakatoshi-kun. How 'bout you go out town today? It's monday and there's plenty a' things ta do on mondays."

"Sure."

After his uncle dismissed him, he took his fairly new car he bought on January for convenient travels between college and his family's farm, he picked his phone and keys and drove out to the nearest town. He made a stop at a gas station when his phone started picking up signal-- because there was barely any back at the farm, only on rainy thursdays between three and four in the morning, and on february 31st's. He had received a text from Oikawa that was probably pending since this morning or earlier due to his long stay at the farm.

He got off his car and went up to load it with gas, then as it loaded, he checked the messages.

"A picture?"

The picture was still loading. He could barely make out a row of black pixels at the top, so he preferred to read it later.

He finished loading, he went to pay at the counter, then he came back and sat at the driver's seat, checking his phone again to see if the picture fully loaded.

It was a picture of what looked like a white-skinned European middle aged man, holding a lamb on his shoulders and grinning.

_'What is this'_ he texted Oikawa back. He seriously had no time to overthink the meaning of this suspicious-looking text. Maybe it was one of his friends pulling a prank on Oikawa and texting all his contacts with the same picture, that would be embarrassing.

_'its Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders.'_ was what Oikawa replied.

Who in the world was Gordon Ramsay, and why was he holding a lamb. Why was this enigmatic picture sent to him like some obvious fact that had to be done at some point in his life? He felt a little betrayed for not knowing the meaning of this, he attempted inquiring an explanation but he feared the explanation he would get would make even less sense than getting a picture of Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders.

_'Anyway I'm arriving to Tokyo in about 2 hours want me to come pick you up?'_

_'OKAY~~~~!!! ♪(´ε｀ ) also turn off the autocorrect it makes you sound sooooo like a 50 year old man!'_

He didn't know what a fifty year old man sounded through a text message but he would much rather ignore it.

When he joined Oikawa in Tokyo, they drove out to the outskirts for a while in which Oikawa just babbled about how he spent his vacation and how much Iwaizumi was a rude man and then he went over the fact that Ushijima was an irresponsible boyfriend for not taking care of him enough and to that he made a full stop at a cliff. They made out for five long minutes, but Ushijima had no intention to proceed further, to which Oikawa complained to and sulked for five other minutes. This was fine, it was something he had grown used to overtime from dating Oikawa for at least... a year or two. He lost count.

Just as he started the engine again, Oikawa put a hand on the gear shift. He looked at his boyfriend dead in the eye with his cheeks puffed and a sort of determination.

"...Don't do that." Ushijima breathed.

"As long as I have my hand here, you can't release the pedal or I'll shift the gearbox to one and the engine will possibly break. Option two, I shift it now while you have your foot on the pedal and if you release it we're both diving down that cliff. That, or you cuddle with me."

"Oikawa..."

It wasn't the least surprising to him, it was yet another thing he was used to and that he'd grown fond of in a twisted way. Oikawa tended to outsmart him or put him in complicated situations that left him no choice but to comply with whatever he asked. Usually it was nothing too bothersome, he wouldn't still be dating him if he asked, for example, to murder his neighbor or to give up the farm life. Oikawa was just a child that pushed the right buttons on him.

He looped his arm around Oikawa's shoulders and leaned to kiss his cheek, then he let go to open the door on his side of the car. He opened the passenger's door from outside and let Oikawa walk out before slamming it shut. They both sat on the hood of the car and put their arms behind each other's backs, intertwining their fingers with the other hands. They sat there for a while without talking, Ushijima felt like he could fall asleep there.

But Oikawa fell asleep first. It was barely three in the afternoon, probably time for a good nap at home in the balcony while sunbathing. He picked his boyfriend up and put him down gently on the passenger seat, buckled his belt and went back to his own seat. Just then, he saw the glow of his phone on the dashboard and picked it up to store it away in his pocket... then he remembered the picture of Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders.

He really wanted to know what was the deal, and now that he had Oikawa by his side, he wanted to ask, but he didn't want to wake him up either. So he drove off back to Oikawa's rented apartment and took him to lay on his couch.

Ushijima used his time of no-clingy-boyfriend to make something to eat for a snack while he flicked on the TV and hopped through a few channels. He wasn't fond of what was on Japanese TV except when sports came up, and since there were none, he switched it off and went to hoard Oikawa's computer. He googled Gordon Ramsay for answers to his question and he got redirected to the wikipedia page; overall he learned that Gordon Ramsay was a British cook who yelled for a hobby. Also he looked very angry on the screenshots. Ushijima's knowledge of internet websites and memetic were limited, so he didn't venture further and went back to the living room where Oikawa was slowly waking up.

"Whoa! Like magic, I'm back home."

Ushijima grunted in response.

"Sorry, I don't speak caveman. What did you say?"

"I said nothing, I just grunted."

"Blunt and open like a kiddie book, as always..." he kicks his feet up and props them to the armrest of the couch. "Can you make Oikawa-chan some iced tea? Pretty please?"

"Sure."

For the rest of the afternoon, Oikawa babbled again about how he got the results of midterms in law school and that he got the best grades and also that he was thinking of passing the bar exam in Europe because it sounded exotic so he would need to learn another language and also spoke about how Ushijima was anticlimactic for just nodding and drinking coffee. Ushijima was simply being the good listener boyfriend he had been all along. Oikawa's complains were reprimanded with the sound of the coffee cup setting on the glass table and the taller man moving over to kiss him on the forehead, then he took his keys to leave.

This time Oikawa didn't stop him and they said goodbye at the doorway with many kisses on the mouth and many hugs and Oikawa asking for him to come back soon with a pleading voice. He knew so very well Ushijima never resisted that pleading voice and he stayed for another thirty minutes to pin him down on the couch, strip him off his shirt and leave an obnoxious amount of marks on his skin. He made sure the marks were in places that could easily hide with articles of clothing because Ushijima was such a considerate boy (also he didn't want to hear Oikawa's banter if he did the contrary because last time it didn't end well).

He returned to the farm still a little carving but it was already late enough to have stayed longer. His uncle never scolded him for arriving late but Ushijima would rather be here on time and help with the duties.

Just as he parked his car and saw the glow of his phone on the passenger seat, he remembered he had forgotten to ask about the picture of Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders. And if it wasn't unnerving enough, Oikawa had sent it a second time during his road back to the farm.

So there he was laying in bed late at night, looking at his phone that showed two pictures of Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders and a few texts in-between.

It felt terribly nagging to have them there, two times the exact same picture staring at him through the screen. He tried to make a point out of it-- a British cook, a lamb. His speciality is yelling at untalented amateurs and finding new insults for badly cooked dishes. Was Oikawa trying to tell him he wanted to eat a dish with lamb meat and that if it was bad he'd yell at him? He conceded it was a little far-fetched, but it was his only deduction for the time being. Leave it to Oikawa to play his enigmatic playboy role without prompting.

He woke up again the next morning and headed out later in the morning to the closest town for errands. He felt his phone vibrate in his pants pocket and he pulled it out to find another text from Oikawa.

Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders.

This was going too far already. He saw this picture three times a row and he still didn't understand. That day, he shoved his phone back in his pocket and ignored it for good.

On wednesday, he called over his phone network operator while he was out in a nearby town to ask if it was possible to block a certain type of texts from being sent.

"It's the fourth time I get the same picture, there has to be a solution."

"You turn off your cellular data so you only receive calls and texts, but if someone else sends you pictures you won't receive them until you turn your data back on."

"Then tell me if I can block a number."

"Yes you can, please provide us the number you wish to block."

Just as he was spelling out the number, he received a fifth Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders and he almost spiked his phone to the floor.

He didn't receive any Gordon Ramsays with a lamb on his shoulders on Thursday, the number block was working apparently-- until the evening when he saw Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders sent from a different number.

He did chuck his phone out the window this time, but it landed on a stack of hay outside and didn't break fortunately.

He picked it up next morning and called the unknown number that sent him the picture.

"Hello?"

"...Iwaizumi?"

"Oh, Ushiwaka. Yesterday Asskawa wanted to use my phone to text you something urgent. I don't know why he texted you a picture of Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders, but I guess you must know."

"I see. I'm sorry for the disturbance."

"No harm done."

He was going to punch Oikawa if he got a sixth.

He punched Oikawa's doorbell the day after, and Oikawa opened his door and slammed it shut immediately after finding the face of a wrathful yeti behind it.

"Open the door."

Instead of the door opening, he received the picture of Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders zoomed-in into the man's eye and stretched awfully. He wondered how Oikawa had managed to unblock his number and slip in yet another of those. He banged his head against the door and slumped down to his knees.

"Come back when you learn the lesson behind this picture!!" Was muffled behind that door in a high pitched voice. Ushijima stayed there on his knees, head against the door and chanting profanities.

"I brought what you needed." He called out, the next day, after ringing the doorbell calmly.

Oikawa opened the door and slammed it shut just as quickly. He reopened it after three minutes to make sure of what he saw and smashed it shut again.

"Oikawa."

"Why did you bring a live lamb? A real one?"

"You wanted a lamb. I brought one from my uncle's, he said it was okay if you fed it correctly for a month then we take it back, because you can't raise a lamb in a city like--"

"For fuck's sake. For _**fuck's**_ sake." He bellowed from the other side of the door. "Have you no sense of humanity? Can you not understand the message I tried to convey?"

"You didn't want a lamb?"

"URK!" He swung the door open like he had just finished an argument with his mother and glared pointedly at Ushijima with the tiny lamb in his large arms. "Urk... Guh. Gggnnnhh."

"...I don't know that language."

"Shut up! Get in..."

He had put down the lamb inside a cardboard box, on top of the glass table in the living room. Ushijima stared at Oikawa who stared at the lamb who stared at nothing in particular.

"You actually brought a lamb."

"I live in a farm, I don't see what's surprising."

"Use your rusted brain gears a little, Ushiwaka-chan. If I really wanted a lamb, I'd move to the countryside and buy a farm and become a hobo like you to raise it normally. Do you see me going anywhere now?"

"Oikawa, please explain the situation to me."

Oikawa slumped down on the tabletop, pressing his face tightly against the glass. Ushijima stared and waited.

"It's alright. Just be yourself, keep being the innocent little Ushiwaka-chan you are." He mused with a softer voice and slumped this time on Ushijima's shoulder, staring intently at the tiny baby lamb that made weak tiny baby lamb noises. He had an idea.

"Could you hold it up like Gordon Ramsay? Like this? And smile to the camera?"

Ushijima took the lamb and carefully placed it on one shoulder, it wasn't big an flexible enough to fit on both of his shoulders. He looked toward Oikawa who was stepping back and raising up his phone.

"Say whiskey."

"Whiskey?"

Oikawa used the picture as his new phone background. In the end he kept the lamb for the full month Ushijima's uncle had allowed, then he went to visit him and the lamb from time to time over at the farm.

Yet Oikawa kept sending him Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders. He still doesn't understand why but he's had grown used to it to the point he even felt weirded out when Oikawa stopped. _'I'm tired of trying to get you to understand and I've wasted a year's worth of cellular data just sending those.'_ was Oikawa's final word on it, and he never heard of Gordon Ramsay with a lamb on his shoulders ever again until the day he woke up at Oikawa's home after a night together, where he saw his computer switched on and tabbed on a window with that same picture and a caption that read:

_'IF YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY HERE IS GORDON RAMSAY HOLDING A LAMB AND THEY’RE BOTH SMILING AT YOU AND YOU CAN HEAR THEM CHEERING YOU ON'_

**Author's Note:**

> A small note; in the scene inside Ushijima's car, the gear shift thing might be a little confusing if your country uses the PRNDL instead of 12345R, I actually didn't check if Japan had that type of gear shift but the scene would make less sense if it didn't. Sorry for the confusion!


End file.
